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2004-07-07 // 12:53 a.m. I'm overwhelmed with this desire to be alone. To just be...alone. I want to cancel plans, call in sick from work and just be. Of course, calling in sick from work is not an option, but I'm staying low key in terms of social plans and I cancelled therapy this week. I'm not sure what this is, but I want to ride it out. I got a voicemail from Gib today, telling me that she's found herself in an unexpected situation of healing that she has literally felt unready for for years. She said that she needs space and time to do nothing but this crucial thing at hand, and she has no desire to communicate, even with me, with the people she loves. Perhaps my craving for solitude is spawned from an intuitive communication with Holly. It could be part of it, but I think there's more to it on my end. Whatever it is, I can't afford to not respect my feelings. It's a rarity to find myself actually able to be alone when I feel the need. God, house-sitting is just fantastic. I love the low rumble of Sully Erna's voice. I'm listening to some recently-downloaded Godsmack. I've got a new appreciation for the band. I can't wait until the Staind concert on July 25. I found out that Tantric is opening. I only know a few songs by them - and love the few that I know - so Bearshare is helping me out in learning more of them. I know, I know, downloading music for free is an insult to the artist. How would I feel if people started photocopying my book instead of buying it? I get it, truly. However, I am simply too poor to not download some stuff here and there. Besides, we all know that most musicians make their money going on tour. I recently researched the statistics, and it turns out that a band of four who sells 500,000 records (no easy feat) each takes home little over $10,000 from record sales. That is pathetic. It's touring that really cushions their bank accounts. Anyway, I'm babbling. I'm just here, enjoying the space and comfort of this wonderful house, knowing that it will end all too soon but trying to not focus on that. I've been staying up entirely too late, like I'm trying to soak up every moment of this time away from my family in the hopes of storing some peace and quiet for later. Fat chance, but I can dream. I met my sales quota for the week at work tonight. Nifty. Now I can relax for the rest of the week. I hate when Friday/Saturday rolls around and I still need to come up with a few more sales. Even one more. I just can't stand that under-the-wire feeling, especially considering, in my business, last minute sales are generally bogus ones. I believe in authentic work, in putting forth best effort and being true to your skills while strengthening weaknesses in a respectable way. I hate writing up fake sales, but I've learned that I hate it less than the consequences of not "meeting" my quota. Funny how the company would rather knowingly pretend that a fake start is real, rather than accept that five new subscriptions per week might just be asking too much. It seems I can rather easily get three per week, but five is difficult. I did it this time, though. I can breathe until Monday *grins* Back on the music front, I've discovered the world of Breaking Benjamin, simply because I liked the one new song I've heard by them, "So Cold." They have a strange sound that I think could grow on me. I love some of their songs and hate others. Not much in between. Sevendust isn't bad, either. Their song "Hurt", dedicated to Johnny Cash, really snagged me. "Follow" is their best, I think. That's it. Random babbling endeth here.
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